I was having a conversation with someone a few weeks ago and I said something that had nothing to do with Jensen. I can't remember the exact details and they're not important...but anyway, her responce made it obvious that she believed I was talking about him.
I complained to my mom later that night that I didn't want this incident to define who I am. I don't want to be "The Woman Who had a Stillborn". My mom told me not to worry, that in a year no one will think that.
I knew what she meant...no one would remember. It never occured to me that when people start to forget what happened to me then they forget about Jensen. The two things go hand-in-hand.
A few days ago I was having a conversation with a woman and all of a sudden she broke down over the loss of a family member. I am not the greatest at comforting people or accepting comfort for that matter. I didn't stand to give her a hug or anything like that. I thought that if I share my story she might not feel so alone. I didn't know how to introduce the topic so I just blurted it out, "I just lost my baby." She stopped crying and looked right at me. And the pity fell on me again. Damn it! That's not what I wanted. I don't want people's pity...I just want them to remember that Jensen was real. I may have been the only one who ever held him while he was alive or felt him move, but he was real. He IS real.